What makes a perfect day?
What denotes if we feel content, happy, fulfilled – like we ‘nailed it, by the end of the day’?
Is it what happened during the day?
Is it where, what and who we choose to focus on out of the thousands, millions or billions of things that happen during each of our days?
My ‘yesterday’ got me to thinking…..
I posted in my group, that I’d had a day with ‘moments’. It was the first day homeschooling again, after the school holidays. I’ll remind you that I have 3 children, all with very different needs and one having complex needs.
I posted about my ‘moments’ and that I was ‘tired’, because I only ever want to be honest and authentic. I knew other people in the group had experienced a challenging day, and I want to make sure people know that not every day is ‘perfect’ – but it’s just a bad day, or rather a bad moment. It’s not a bad life.
I got some lovely replies and a few direct messages checking I was OK. This was very kind, but as a result, something occurred to me. And it was a really lovely revelation.
I realised that I didn’t actually feel like I’d had a bad day.
I was really touched by everyone’s concern, but initially surprised. I re-read my post in case I had ‘overplayed it’. I don’t think I did. I simply mentioned that I’d had some ‘moments’ and I was ‘tired’. I’d just said it how it was, but….. The big revelation for me, was that I hadn’t given those ‘moments’ the same emphasis and attention that I would have previously.
Put simply, my bad moments, did not make for a bad day.
And remember, if you are really struggling………
Afterall, what on earth is a perfect day?
Surely perfect is where we can experience the full wave of human emotions, but that we can handle them in the most beneficial way for us? Surely, it isn’t that nothing bad ever happens? How can we know joy, if we haven’t experienced pain. You know yin yang, balance, positive, negative….
And while I had certainly had some testing ‘moments’ in the day, where I felt exacerbated and didn’t respond in a beneficial way, I realised that I didn’t feel like I’d had a bad day.
In fact, I felt like I’d had a good day, despite or perhaps even including, those ‘moments’.
Simply because, through consistently applying supportive techniques, I have been able to have a monumental shift in how I see, feel and experience my life. What, who and where I place my attention.
I hadn’t berated myself for the moments that I wasn’t at my ‘best’. What human is at their ‘best’ 24/7?! Or indeed, what human is being suring isolation and lockdown, with some homeschooling thrown in?! I was also taking care of the house, the meals, and my work. It’s quite a list!
By not berating myself, I was able to quickly move on and told myself that of course I was weary! I was homeschooling 3 very different children, one of whom I can’t take my eyes off of, through fear of her next dangerous move!
When I was weary, I told my son calmly that I needed a cuppa and a sit down before I played ‘bop the ball’ with him. I put my recharge needs first. I parked guilt, and knew he’d have a nicer mummy after I’d recharged for 10 minutes
I was kind to myself, forgave my weariness and ‘moments’ of snappiness, and got back on track.
And at the end of the day, my focus wasn’t on those ‘moments’, it was on the trillion awesome other moments I had experienced with my family during another day in lockdown.
My eldest was happy, fed and watered, while she did her lessons. My youngest did PE, Maths, Topic and English with me. We played together and we went for a walk.
My middle child with complex needs, was fed, loved, kept alive(!)*, had her sensory needs met and was happy.
And actually – when you put it like that -I did a huge amount of great stuff! It’s no wonder I felt good!
The wonderful revelation was that my shift in view was effortless and completely natural. The NLP techniques I use and advocate for, really work.
Focussing on self love, positive self talk and gratitude, amongst other things, has truly shifted my perspective, my reality.
2 years ago, I would have wrapped my victim safety blanket firmly around me. Told myself that I wasn’t meeting all of my disabled child’s needs (I’m not – but I now accept I’m doing my best and meeting the most important ones), been frustrated that I couldn’t sit with my son to do home schooling (due to my disabled daughter, I have to hover teach!), argued with my eldest for not working how I think she should…… etc etc….
I would have been triggered to take this out on myself, my husband and the kids. “You have no idea how hard this is” “No one appreciates how hard I try” “no one is listening to me” and a whole heap of disempowering, negative language, that made me feel worse and did nothing to solve or improve the situation. There were no winners.
If ever I needed a reminder of how powerful these tools are, yesterday was it. I was blown away with how naturally I had seen my day in a positive light, including those ‘moments’.
Of course, there will be more challenging days than my ‘yesterday’. But, I know that I can experience the feelings, good and bad, but that the bad feelings do not need to become my reality. Every negative has a positive, and while I choose to place emphasis and focus on the positive, I continue to strengthen my positive reality, supporting me to bounce back from those negative feelings more quickly.
Here’s to our Perfect Days – warts and all
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